Sex Hanukkah

In elementary school, we had a rule where you couldn’t bring toys. This was during the Pokemon fad. Being the creative mind that you know me as now, my friend and i would draw our own pokemon-type monster cards. So one time, we were playing at lunch and we wouldn’t let this mean kid who smelt like smoke play with us, and so he told on me. 

So they sent me to the principal’s office and he said i was being creative, but broke a rule. I spent the next 3 days eating lunch in the principal’s office, and i never told my parents. 

Fuck you Zach for getting me in trouble.

Oh my god these two Chinese students were in front of me at subway and they were asking about veggies and when the figured out the word they would repeat it iand point to the sticker with all the veggie options. I love motivated language learners so much.

So I go on Facebook and these people I went to middle and high school with we’re talking about the girl who had a 3rd boob implanted on her chest and they were saying they went to middle and high school with her.

But I went to middle and high school with them??? So I went to middle and high school with ol’ three tit.

Okay so if you don’t know me IRL, then you might not know I wear a retainer because I am missing two of my front teeth cause they never grew in. Basically this is the run down of my dental career.

  • Braces in 6th grade
  • got them off in 10th grade after my dad embarrassingly yelled at the cute dentist for constantly delaying
  • wear a retainer with fake teeth that i have to take out to eat and clean
  • get a clear retainer with the fake teeth, a tooth falls out in Scotland and goes down the sink
  • turn 18, and the mouth surgery place thinks i’m not ready for implants, delays a year. 
  • start college with a retainer, which makes it hard on my schedule
  • think I’m getting teeth in July, have mouth surgery only to realize that they only put metal posts in my gums
  • Have an appointment before thanksgiving, sets up a date for prep during winter break, with teeth two weeks later
  • they decide they want another appointment, moving my teeth date back

So i went in to get my teeth shade matched up. I set up my teeth date for the friday before i go to the Arctic Monkeys concert, which i have to skip class for. Then they tell me they can’t decide on the shade of teeth and sent me to the place that does it. This is 20 miles away in Tampa.

I go to the address they give me, no teeth place. I notice both papers they gave me had different addresses. I call and confirm it’s the other address. I drive past it because its a small place that has road sign, and a SUV is blocking the sign on the building. I walk in, and it’s literally a Vietnamese family’s house. They were expecting me. They were super nice and got the color.

I am so tired of this shit holy crap. I just want to be normal.

TMI Toosday

My quadmate took like, a 20 minute shower while I was waiting to shower. But like, how does someone spend that long in the shower? I honestly can’t remember the last time I showered by myself that lasted more 5 minutes.

Water was warm, tho.

SOMEONE SEND HELP, MY ROOMMATE IS BADLY SINGING JIMMY BUFFET. I CAN HEAR HIM OVER MY HEADPHONES.

A recap of last night
You know what I miss?